The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

A Guilty Pleasure

It’s all Cathy’s fault.  She wanted to see this movie and had discount coupons good for a Friday night.  So off we went.  I happen to like Sean Connery (not necessarily the Bond stuff though), and I wondered what Peta Wilson was doing since La Femme Nikita.  When I first heard about the movie I expected it to be wonderful, but all the reviews I have come across are uniformly dissatisfied.  I read Roger Ebert’s review in the Chicago Sun-Times and he really ripped it apart.  But I figured that a reduced ticket price would balance it all out.  So off we went for the 5:30 PM show.  And found only a handful of people there.  No matter.

Ebert was right.  This movie is pure horse hockey from start to finish.  You don’t dare take it seriously and it is still horse hockey.  I wonder if that is what Connery intended, since he is one of the executive producers.  Given the ending, could a sequel be in the works?

The movie massacres the whole Nemo/Nautilus story, although Naseeruddin Shah makes a formidable captain.  Mina Harker (Peta Wilson) survived Dracula’s enticements according to most vampire canon, but this movie doesn’t give a fig about canon.  She is quite the bat-lady.  Tom Sawyer in the US Secret Service?  It’s a wonder that Agent James West didn’t show up too.  Stuart Townsend as Dorian Gray is a Johnny Depp look-a-like per my friend Cathy (who is willing to go to the Pirates movie just to drool over Depp – I have dibs on Bloom).  Dorian Gray is also quite the snob.  Too bad the Highlander couldn’t be there though.  That would have been fun too.  The Invisible Man is not the original guy, but a thief who stole the potion, and Dr. Jekyll mutates into a muscle-bound Hyde who looks like he might fit in one of the WWE wrestling rings.  Or is he kin to the Hulk?  Did I mention Professor Moriarty?  Where the heck was Sherlock Holmes?

This alternate universe is a cobbled together vision from a graphic novel (can we spell high end comic book?) and the script writer.  Venice’s bridges accommodate an oversized submarine, and its streets easily handle cars.  Neither is true today, and would not have been true then.  But oh, that car!   I want one of those!

The movie starts off smartly, and then sags as the Nautilus sails for Paris, traveling down the Seine.  It picks up in Venice and sags again on the journey to Mongolia up the Amun River.  The climax is somewhat exciting, but could have had more punch if the relationship between Quartermain and Sawyer had been better developed.  The action scenes keep it moving.  Otherwise it tends to stall.  The FX is a mixed bag, but generally pretty good.  It also includes some sly digs, with the appearance of “M” as the organizer of the league and paintings of earlier members of the league.  The truly astute among us will note that one painting includes the Scarecrow of Romney Marsh, immortalized in one of Disney’s movies and portrayed by Patrick McGoohan.  Look carefully, for he is there.  God knows who else I missed in those paintings.

So, did I like it?  Well it’s a mixed verdict.  I can’t take this movie seriously, but even then it is flawed.  All the same, you could do much, much worse if all you want is a diversion on an afternoon.  Being able to appreciate those sly digs helps.  It also helps if you recognize just how ridiculous the movie is.  Count this as a guilty pleasure if you enjoy snobby Johnny Depp look-a-likes, Sean Connery, or Peta Wilson.  Or just plain enjoy sniggering at silly stories.